My own mother told me yesterday that I was extravagant (I think that is the word she used). I shared that I was sad that we did not go to the beach after saving for several months. I had called her crying due to some confusion over our trip and I let others make me feel bad and had become very distraught and emotional. I had even called the crisis hotline to vent. I was not suicidal I was sad and I told the woman that when I called. I really did not feel like defending myself about wanting to take a small trip to the beach to celebrate New Years. I listened to my Mother ramble on and on about how she could not understand how anyone in my situation financially could afford to do anything but survive. She stated that I planned big birthday parties and trips while trying to live in a fairytale world. She said I was unhappy unless I was on a trip somewhere... REALLY! after semi defending my actions I thought OMG the world is a judge and I let them tear me down and send me to an emotional prison on way to many occasions. I had not thought of any real resolutions due to those in the past years came and went like promising myself to start exercising, lose 100 pounds, take a big trip, lalalala... you get the point. So I decided a journal about keeping sane in 2012 might be in order.
I like my fairytale world! If I did not make plans and go places and live life what would I be doing? I do not drink, do drugs, or smoke. I rarely buy 5.00 coffee's, I shop mostly at Goodwill, I rarely eat out unless I have a coupon, I live a pretty frugal life! So in my defense your honor I need to be let out of this emotional prison on the promise that I will not let others harsh judgements effect me! I will go to as many fun things as I can in 2012 and I will let my spirit shine!
No comments:
Post a Comment