Hey where is the snow???

Hey where is the snow!  It is always so exciting to hear that it is going to snow... right!  They talk about it on the news and we start anticipating with hopes of a big blanket of white all around us.  I also think it builds some sort of hope and everyone gets this new excitement of something new and unsure of what will come, you start wondering with a mix of worry slash excitement and start asking the question in your mind...  will we get a dusting or several inches?  Going to bed you think wow when I wake up in the morning my yard will be filled with beauty as snow hangs on the trees and such.  I think about where the gloves are and do the snow boots still fit since the last time we wore them due to I can not remember when that was (laugh).  Oh well so here we are two days later and we saw a few flakes fall just enough to get us even more excited, however it was fun to feel that feeling even though it did not last.  I have decided that we will go find the snow after my boyfriend gets a truck.  Unfortunately his was totaled back in November and we are having issues finding the just right truck with everything we want for the money we have.  Welcome to life!!  But we have faith and it will happen and when it does we will head to the snow where I just may build me a Hello Kitty Snow Girl and throw snowballs at Jacob and Dwayne!  There are two things to look forward to right there, a new truck and fun in the snow!
I have found that in order to keep myself happy I need to have activities via large or small to look forward to.  I need a plan... I drive many people around me crazy due to they just get up and kind of let life happen but I have to have something to look forward to, no clue why but I have discovered that about myself.  I am actually in a better spirited mood when I am planning, or thinking of something to do.  If I am left to idly roam in my mind I find self pity and loathe who I am... wow how sad is that.  So... I am a much happier person since I have discovered this about myself.  I monitor my mood and if I feel out of sorts and about to be irrational I plan something for myself.  This is day 16 of not being mad or lashing out at my boyfriend or having him lash out at me over stupid stuff due to we have let our own mood ruin the day for the other.  Pretty groovy huh!  It is hard work and I am not talking about big plans here I am talking about the small stuff.  Keeping it simple, happy, and low budget for January...Today I am just enjoying my coffee in an almost clean house.  It just feels good to be letting my spirit shine!
    

My Fairytale World

My own mother told me yesterday that I was extravagant (I think that is the word she used).  I shared that I was sad that we did not go to the beach after saving for several months.  I had called her crying due to some confusion over our trip and I let others make me feel bad and had become very distraught and emotional.  I had even called the crisis hotline to vent.  I was not suicidal I was sad and I told the woman that when I called.  I really did not feel like defending myself about wanting to take a small trip to the beach to celebrate New Years.  I listened to my Mother ramble on and on about how she could not understand how anyone in my situation financially could afford to do anything but survive.  She stated that I planned big birthday parties and trips while trying to live in a fairytale world.  She said I was unhappy unless I was on a trip somewhere... REALLY!  after semi defending my actions I thought OMG the world is a judge and I let them tear me down and send me to an emotional prison on way to many occasions.   I had not thought of any real resolutions due to those in the past years came and went like promising myself to start exercising, lose 100 pounds, take a big trip, lalalala... you get the point.  So I decided a journal about keeping sane in 2012 might be in order. 
     I like my fairytale world!  If I did not make plans and go places and live life what would I be doing?  I do not drink, do drugs, or smoke.  I rarely buy 5.00 coffee's, I shop mostly at Goodwill, I rarely eat out unless I have a coupon, I live a pretty frugal life!  So in my defense your honor I need to be let out of this emotional prison on the promise that I will not let others harsh judgements effect me!  I will go to as many fun things as I can in 2012 and I will let my spirit shine!